Saturday, April 30, 2011

Worst of the mall

Up until about a year ago, I was going to the mall a lot and when you spend so much time packed into a building containing countless numbers of human beings, you tend to encounter some of the strangest.
The first strange person I would like to bring to attention is this guy:

Imagine a very old, grey-haired hippie who’d been living on the streets for a couple weeks. That’s our guy. We shall call him Bill. So my best friend and I were hanging out in Hot Topic, checking out their socks and whatnot and this guy comes up and stands almost close enough to us for it to be awkward. He looks around for a moment as if trying to figure out what the heck was happening to him before picking up a nearby snow globe off of the counter.
Instead of just observing it a little, maybe shaking it, Bill looks into it like he’s just discovered an alternate universe inside and wildly begins swinging it around with both his hands over it. All the while he’s yelling “SNOOOOOOWWGLOOOOBE!!” over and over in his warbled hippie-hobo voice and twisting his body like he was trying to hula-hoop and re-enact that scene from The Matrix at the same time. My best friend and I were perplexed.
Eventually, Bill put down the snow globe and stumbled out like nothing had happened. 
Our next spectacle we shall call Albert for obvious reasons. My best friend and I were walking through the mall when randomly we spot an old guy but not just any old guy. No, Albert was not ordinary.
Yes, this guy was a picture perfect Einstein. And he was just walking. He must have heard our hysterical laughter because he turned around with an expression like "What? Why does everyone laugh?! WHAT AM I NOT GETTING HERE!??" He walked into Hallmark for a while and walked out again. It was absolutely hilarious. I have reason to believe that it was a costume, seeing as it was around Halloween, but the hair and mustache were very real and you can’t very easily make your face look 200 years old.

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